Three years since we down sized
So, in October 2012, our family down sized, no, not the house, but the amount of people who live in the family home. Dad left because mum kicked him out, he was/is a dick whole sleeps around. Now, I always assumed, if something like this ever happened, it would cause havoc for all of us, but it appears I was wrong.
Sure, mum was and I imagine sometimes still is upset (how could she not be, she committed to this guy for life), but it has never felt odd that he moved out, not once. We sometimes talk about it, its partly due to him having been in the RAF, he would be away for up to 6 months in a year. But it is also partly because we hadn’t really been a 4 for a very long time.
Both my sister and I were desperate to move out, mum was unhappy too, he was such a control freak! He always wanted to know everything that we were doing, not in a nice sharing way, but so he could put his 2pence in and tell us how we were going to do it wrong. But also we had very little in common, he wouldn’t even do the niceties of pretending to be all that interested, which led to us just hiding what we were doing, or just not doing anything.
It also highlighted how close to mum we are, she never missed a birthday (she missed Em’s in 2014 to see her brother in Australia, that doesn’t count), but he missed loads. I think he missed 10 before I was 18, he missed at least 6 of Em’s. He was a shit father who left everything to mum, prioritising going on non mandatory trips so he could have fun doing the things he loved.
Now, I’m going to stop dad bashing and focus on the good, the 3 of us get on, we quite like being a trio. We have the right balance of being together and respecting each other when someone wants to do something alone. I have tried in the last few years to engage dad in a few things I like, such as sporting events, something he always likes the idea of but then seems bored. So, due to this, last weekend was the last time we do any such events (sorry dad)!
We worry more in this house about what makes us happy, we do what we want. Mum and Em go on expensive holidays, I enjoy going out a few times a week. I’m even going on holiday with them next Christmas (2016)! I never thought I would want to fly to the US again but I do.
We now have a dog, which the three of us always wanted but was never allowed, he doesn’t permit you to fall into a state of selfishness, you have to give him attention and love, which I think is healthy for all of us/
I think the point of this blog is, sometimes things have to feel like they get worse to get better. A family break up is never ideal, but normally happens for a reason and brings to light some suppressed feelings of unhappiness.